Luke and Ed Have an Interlectural Conversation:
Hello,
I'm afraid that I'm a bit 'under the weather' today, so I will be taking a relaxed approached to OG even tho it's been a few months since an update... Soooooo, this is probably going to be like shit and spammy, cos I have't got into the swing of things... Plus I've just had a toss and plastered to wall with me jizz...
"P*ssy!" -Ed
Look you scruffy tramp, I have a very sore throat, a bad head and I have more green sh*t running outta my nose than a diptheric cat, so NAFF OFF!!! and anyway, I'm not the one who endorses natural lubricant am I!?!?
"What's wrong with that??" -Ed
You really want me to tell you...?
"Erm... you're going to become very offensive aren't you??" -Ed
Extremely....
"I've really buggared this one up haven't I??" -Ed
Ooooooh yea....
"...S*it..." -Ed
Oh by the way... do you have a main 'endorsee' of your lubricant?? [what's it called??]
"It's called Monkey Froff -MF for short, and our main 'endorsee' is Amazon" -Ed
What the Amazon? Or Amazon.com??
"Both..." -Ed
Ok I can't see the relationship here...
"Well let me explain, firstly, natives in the Amazon jungle are very smelly, sweay and pooey..." -Ed
Okay...
"... and the staff at Amazon.com are monkies." -Ed
Right...
"So therefore... ummm... uhhhh..." -Ed
There is no connection is there...
"...no..." -Ed
You're pr*ck Ed... I honestly can say -with confidence- that I'd rather have no-one else at my side to aid me if I wanted to fail in life
"Ooooh a compliment!!!" -Ed
Guess again pig sh*t!
"What's the strange looking object you're holding...?" -Ed
Mc Hammer...
BREAK! [To the tune of 'Can't Touch This']
"..OOOOOOOOOOOH MF HITS ME - SO - HARD!! MAKES ME
SCREAM 'OH MY LORD'!!!
THANK YOU FOR COV-ER-ING ME! WITH YOUR SHINY MONKEY SPREE!!!
...Dum dum dum dum... dum DUM! LUBRICATE ME!!!
...Dum dum dum dum... dum DUM! LUBRICATE ME!?
...OOOOOOOOOOOH BLESSINGS! FALL DOWN ON ME... OR IS THAT
JUST MONKEY PEE!?
IT SMELLS OFF GONE OFF MOSS! BUT THEN AGAIN... IT HELPS ME TOSS!!!!..."
Okay I've had enough this is shit I'm off...
Next Time on Ooga Booga: "Dance of
the Sugar-Plum Fairy" - Where Luke attempts to look after a retarded
little Chinaman...who is sexually frustrated. It sounds offensive already
doesent it? :P
Ooga Booga 16 - Short but sweet
......
"Hello...?" -Ed
......
"Hellooooooo!?" -Ed
BOO!!!!!!!!!
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" -Ed
Ahhhh he screams like a li-ttle sissy boy!
:-( -Ed
Awwwww i upset you?? ooooozoooo booo booo!!!!
"hehehe" -Ed
OOOOOZOOOOO BOOO BOOO DOOO DOOO!!!
"Tee hee hee hee!" -Ed *dribble*
AHHHH!! A little baaaaby!
"F*KKA!" -Ed
MWAH HAHAHAHAHA!
Today I have mainly been annoying Ed :-). HEHEHEHE! Note the retarded
and primitive dribble and "hehe" insticnts as the specimin reacts
to certain stimuli.
"OI YOU FART BREATH!" -Ed
Serious frustration is often followed by violent outbreaks, such that are being displayed at the present time...
"What the f*ck donkey dick!?" -Ed
I predict that the specimin will soon fall all the floor and begin spasaming...
"...."-Ed
SPASM!
"...." -Ed
Right where's my pink cattle prod...
*PHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?" -Ed *spasm*
Heh heh heh heh, this is fun...
*PHHHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!" -Ed
AHHHH iz zee little baby doing a boo boo?? does zee sissy boy want a pamper! MWAH HAHAHAHA!
*PHHHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*
HAHAHAHAHAHA *PHHHHHHHHZZZZZZ* MWAHEEEEE HEHEHEHEHEHE *PHHHHHHHHHHHHHZ*
"....." -Ed
Oh sh*t...
*Phhzzz*
"....." -Ed
F*ck! A killed it! sh*t... what am i going to play with now..... ooooooo! A weeny!!! I'M GONNA PLAY WIT MAAA WEENY!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
*PHHHHHHHHHHHZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZKKKK!!*
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
B...*...t...c...h...!
Ooga Booga 15 - Chris and Luke ponder over what to do for the next Ooga Booga!
(middle of a debate)
Chris: I don't think another blast at Anne Robinson would be funny enough, anyways...you already written a whole essay of insults about her...
Luke: Yeah, I sorta agree...but she's a...
Chris: NO! Stop it! We can't insult that sorry excuse for a woman any longer...oops.
Ed: We could show a picture of a man with his head up his own arse, that would be hilarious
Chris: We havent got pictures like that!
Ed: Oh I hav...ummm...no wait forget it...
Luke: It gets more screwed every day with you doesent it Ed?
Ed: F*CK YOU A*SEWIPE!! Actually, I think we should pretend to be Russian Generals and say stupid things
Chris: Are we really that desperate for a laugh? Could we possibly lower ourselves to that level?
Ed: Never
Luke: No way!
(10 minutes later)
General Lukovic: OISKI POISKI!
General Kristov: *Sighs*
Lukovic: Nowski weski mustski findski ourski missingski Vodka!
Kristov: You knowski, you don't have to write ski after every wordski!
Lukovic: I knowski, letski find someone to taunt then!
(person enters chat forum)
Lukovic: WHERESKI MY VODKA!!
Person: Who r u guys?
Kristov: Calmski yourself Lukovic, let me dealski with him...
Kristov: WHERES MY VODKA!!
Person:bye-ski
(he leaves)
Lukovic: That went well...
Ed: Do you want my picture of a man with his head up his arse yet?
Kristov: Keep it to yourself Edski
Ooga Booga 14 - Luke is back but what? no Ed??
"Bonjour!!! Bonjour!!! Ah! after many a month zee world famess D'Escargot izz back-a!" -Fabian
F8CK OFF!!! This is my yard!!!
"Vhat izz ziss???" -Fabian
The Little Mermaid!! Who do you think you butt ugly mong!?
"If you are zee petit mermaid...zen vhere izz your flippa!?" -Fabian
Jesus Christ...they don't make French like they used to do they...
"Vhat izz zat suppose to mean my petit fishy woman!?" -Fabian
Fishy woman? Look n*b cheeks, I have no time for you stupid 'Ron Hon Honning' shite... I have better things to do, I come back to Og after a few months expecting to see a gay fictional man called Ed, and all i find is a smelly frog. Who frankly looks worse than a monkey's a*se after diarrhea!! I mean, don't take this personallyl; I don't dislike you as a person...JUST YOUR WHOLE F*CKING COUNTRY!!! They treated me like sh*t when I went on holiday! I was very calm civilized and courteous....and all I got in return was a smeggy fart in my direction!!!!
"Ohhhhh....Zee petit fishy woman has teeth! Ruh huh
huh! Ziss is making my petit frog like stomach chuckle
and laugh!" -Fabian
What..? Don't piss me off sonny...
"Ruh huh huh! Le Fishy woman izz pretending to
frighten me!" -Fabian
Look you derilict trouser shite, I can basically say I
have more respect for a peanut sized, constipated
peace of sh*t that's been working it's way round
someone for a month... so in simple terms that
means... That i'm going to set a lighter to your
knackers and watch you run and scream like a Porn Star
without sex...you get me??
"Not quite my fishy friend...My intelligence tellz
me
zat you are asking to be my copain..?" -Fabian
Guess again shit sniffer...
"You mean...ziss iz zee end...?" -Fabian
No sh*t Sherlock...
"But I have not even had time to make my frog leggies
Mr Luc" -Fabian
*Lights up a blow torch* Run bitch.... run ....
Ooga Booga 13 - Fabian welcomes you to SKC
Bonjour Bonjour!!
I am ze world famous Fabian D'escargot, creator of the finest cuisine and also a complete arrogant swine. Hahaha I also ave a wickid sense of humour, no?
Still, I am ere with you today after a slight disaster among the SKC team. Or what the french would call "Le grand couchouns", after ze insolent fools spat on my fine cooking and thretened me wiv small torture and slug poo pies. Ov course I was not happy with zis decision and decided to deal wiv zem and now you are left wiv SKC, le supreme French cooking website. Bon, now let us start.
First take a live Frog and prepare to cut its legs off.
eugh! - Ed
What! Who was zat, I thought I had desposed of the petit fools. It appears i was wrong
wheres Luke? Who are you?- ed
I am ze world Famous Fabian D'escargot, French cook extroadinaire.
OOOooh ur french eh? - Ed
Oui, that is true.
That means ur a poof - Ed
Non! Just because I am from the great counrty does not mean I enjoy ze company of other hairy Frenchmen.
Sounds nice to me - Ed
And one other thin...Really? Well zen my little...
"Ed" - Ed
Ed, come join me in my cooking quest for stardom!
ok, what are you cooking? - Ed
Frog legs soup and a special vin d'escargots
ayy no need to joke around - Ed
No, I am not trying to be funny, i do not posses ze English zense of humour. Tonite we feast on the finest of frogs legs my young Ed.
...
Ed...ED? WHERE ARE YOU? COME BACK ERE MY PETIT GARCON!! ED!!!!!!
note: Fabian has left SKC since the completion of this Oogabooga. We do not intend to offend anyone with this, if you dont like it then we will delete it immediatly, if we agree with your claims that is.
Ooga Booga 12 - Instructions for keeping svines
Now it has come to my attention, that people are not qualified enough to own svines and keep them treated well in their envoirnment. Well my little monkey snotted friends, I shall now reveal the instructions for keeping svines and "Building your own Svine box". n.b. germans are fully trained and DO NOT need to bother reading the rest of this, we should learn from their example...no not killing everyone in sight and creating a superhuman race, just the svine keeping example! Now firstly u shall require a svine box, it's realivaly easy to aquire one of these, for example a friend of mine named Wolf-Gang used a titanium coated perspex box which was a good idea...except there was no air holes...so the poor svine died. but at least he got sum sausages out of it.
Other svine box can be made from:
Shoe boxes
A cardboard box nicked from a tramp [i.e. his house]
Coffins
Video boxes etc
Now if ur svine doesnt quite fit into a box IT DOESNT MATTER! just cut it's pig tale and legs off, and then he/she should fit a treat. A if the svine is lucky u may only need to cut one leg off, but please remember to stop the bleeding, cos it makes an awful mess of the decor. Now once ur svine is in his box, he/she needs entertainment, do not provide pornographic entertainment for the svine because that's a waste of resources, and plus that's what ur wife is there for isnt it? I usually just give my svines a some baby rings, and even then its too much for their intelligence...you dont want to know what the poor f*kkas try to do with the rings...lets just say u can hear the squeely noises a few miles away, and that's before they get their hands one the fecking rings! [no pun intended] other forms of entertainment include...
Mud
S*it [i.e. a tramp]
A band of musical monkeys
Papa smurf can be entertaining at times
An old wrinkly women [im not too sure what they do with them, but when they're finished the wrinkles disappear] etc...
So now ur svines should b happy living inna decent sized box with entertainment, dont forget to feed ur svines, u can supply them with anything and they will eat it. Also try to train ur svines to do funny things like attack the postman and rob banks, and they can also learn little party tricks like producing air from every orefus in their body, they are very talented u know... Now the svine instructions have been dealt with, im going to go into one at a certain individual...yes i think u've guessed who it's going to be that little bitch who f*cks greasy wombles anne robinson...
i dont know where to start...and im in shock readers...she insulted me...ME! she insulted the welsh! [ok im not fully welsh but i have to stick up for the half of me that is] That shleeg is going to recieve some forgein objects up her jaxie when i meet her...and it isnt just going to b any forgein object....oh no she's gonna get it baaaaaaaaad. it's going to be the dreaded HAGGIS!!! HAHAHAHA! DIE BIATCH! DIEEEEEE!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAA!!! YEEEEEEEEEEES! HAGGIS!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!! THE OBJECT OF PURE EVIL!!! 70% evil and 30% sheep!!!! HAHAHAHHA!!!! SHE VILL DIEEEEEEEEEEE! and it wont just be one haggis....oh no...she deserves more than one!!! SHE WILL RECIEVE A SIMULTAINIOUS INTRUSION OF HAGGIS WHILE BEING FARTED ON BY A WELSH SHEEP!!! HAHAAHA! IT DOESNT GET ANY BETTER!!! but wait...yes it does...IM GOING TO FART ON HER AS WELL!! AND S*IT ALL OVER HER!!! RAAAAAAAAARGH! she's pushed me too far...i never wanted to force the Evil Haggis of McFadden onto an individual...but she just pushed me too far!!! AND PLUS I WILL UNLEASH THE DREADED SUPER FLIP FLOP SAUSAGE TOILET TRAINING POTTY W*NK MANUEVAR UNTO HER! she will smell of mina a** forever!
"how far?"-Ed
Far enough little prostrate gland boy...
"yes but how far?"-Ed
I DONT F*CKING KNOW! I DONT MEASURE HOW FAR!
"why not...?"-Ed
Look you frog bashing turnip shaped testicle man I have many more haggis to unleash one u! BEHOLD! THE EVIL HAGGIS OF MCNORTHANWANK!!
"OH.....SHHHHHHIIII*IITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!"-Ed
Mu ha ha ha ha ha...Your time has come...
"Oh is it lunch time already?"-Ed
Yea it is actually fancie a haggis?
"Don't mind if i do!"-Ed
Note: It was not our intent to insult the following people: Tramps, Germans, Scweins themselves (or pigs as we know them), The scottish (although your your cuisine ain't all that good is it?), or anyone else mentioned in this edition of Og.
We would also like to express the fact that giving yourself to svines as a toy will NOT cure wrinkles or any kind of Diseases. Thank you for reading.
Ooga Booga 11 - More Ed-ucation from Luke and the little guy
Hello... Well as Ed messed up the 10th OG I decided to make this one a little better
"Can I sing a song!?"-Ed
NO!
"awwwww go on! you know u wanna let me!"-Ed
Look you f*kka I've had enuff of ur f*rt-a*sing around NOW P*SS OFF!!!!!!!!!!
"But I got this reaaaaaally good song!"-Ed
Well batter and throw me down on the table and call me wonder! DOES LOOK AS IF I GIVE A MONKEYS!?
"Yes....."-Ed !!!!!!!!!!
"NO! it doesnt no no :("-Ed
Now b*gga off you teddy bear h*rraser!
"HEY! those teddies deserved what was coming to them!!"-Ed
Which teddies? "Ermmmm....."-Ed
ENOUGH! U'VE WASTED MY TIME YET AGAIN!!! BBB*GGGGGGEEERRR OOOFFFFFF!!!!!!!
"OK OK! bye..."-Ed
Stupid gorilla armpit sniffer....
"I heard that!!"-Ed
GOOD! Jesus Christ what's wrong with him.
"He's a p*of..."-Jesus
Yea right! and my a*se is green!
"So your arse is green yea?"-Jesus
Yea....sorry jesus, I shouldnt have argued with you.
"that's ok son"-Jesus
DADDY!? IS THAT YOU!? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS!! AFTER 19 YEARS U HAVE FINALLY COME BACK!?
"No, I'm not ur dad, i just felt like saying it"-Jesus
Oh ok...b*gga off then Right now that Ed has disappeared (and jesus), i can get on with this celebration :). Now, has it ever occured to anyone that i havent done what i said i was going to do in the 1st OG?? U see i was ment to review stuff and things...but i've decided that's a load of monkey diahorea, so instead i just like talking about stuff that's like ermmmm well u know just stuff. Like Anne *B*TCH!!!* Robinson, Oogaaboogaa island etc etc. and today i have decided to name my top 5 totties...and then do sumthing else.
PLZ NOTE TO ALL HOMOSEXUALS, THE NAMES THAT U R ABOUT TO VIEW ARE INCREDIBLEY NORMAL AND FOR STRAIGHT PEOPLE, TO AVOID A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN PLZ LEAVE NOW, OR GET A STRAIGHT PERSONS AUTHORISATION TO LOOK. Unless you are a female homosexal, in which case you'll probably get turned on by looking at these names. In reverse order!!!!
5) Elizabeth Hurley
4) The girl that I saw in town the other week.
3) Denis Richards
2) Kelly Brook.
AND AT NUMBER ONE!!! MY FAVORITE TOP TOTTIE OF ALL TIME!!!!!!! 1) JORDAN!!!!! A.K.A KATIE PRICE!!!! MOUTHWATERING!!!!
Yummy! how about a readers top 10 totties?? now a lot of people living outside the U.K may not know a couple of names mentioned, so go search for them on a search engine and get those m*sturbation hands charged!!!!
"i had a baby once"-Ed
yes and now.....YOU WHAT!? I told you to buggar off!!!!....you had a baby....explain...
"No! you told me to bugga off, so i aint gonna tell you bout it, im buggaring now!"-Ed
..... "Oh ok! right I hadda baby about 4 years ago, my boyfriend left, I never get to see my baby anymore, but when I do see her it just hurts so much, because she looks so much like her dad"-Ed
That's insulting!
"NO! I'm not taking the p*ss by saying she looks lika man!"-Ed
Well....what's her name then??
"Kaylee, Kaylee Anne Shipp, I named her after her father..."-Ed
What Kaylee was her dad's name!?!?!?!
"NO! shipp!"-Ed
arhhhh right i gotcha, sorry to like hear about that and all *stupid p*nce* but like we're supposed to be happy cos im celebrating the 10th anniversary of OG!
"OH YA! can i sing my song!? PLEEEASE!!! I have lost a baby"-Ed
Erm...ok, just please dont go on about that baby, it freaks me out to know that two men managed to concieve a baby...
"WOOHOO!!! Right, here we go... I'm singing in the rain! just singing in the raaaaain just singing in the rain what a glorious feeeling i'm haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy again!!! i'm laughing at clouds!"-Ed
I'm p*ssing on the clouds...
"...so dark up above, the sun's in my heart!!!.."-Ed
You'll have a knife in your heart if u keep on singing...
"That's obsurd!"-Ed No, it's quite real actually....
"...Oh sh*t..."-Ed
Indeed.....
note: at no point in the making of Og has Luke ever met
or told Jesus to p*ss off. I apologise if this has offended anyone, We
must also inform you that Ed is a fictional character and nothing more
than a product of A mad mans thoughts thoughts...and a poofter.
Ooga
Booga 10 - Fly Fool FLY!!
*ahem* on behalf of the OG team i would like to apologise for the minor remarks concerning anne robinson in OG8 im afraid that i could have dun better, and made her look even more realistic to what she is...A H*MOSEXUAL WH*RE SPANKING DONKEY EAR LOBE!
now as it's the 10th annerversary of OG i want something special to happen...like my mother wedging a 10 kilotonne nuclear missile between my nextdoor neighbors dog's stinky and pooey bottom cheeks and ignite the flying f*kka!!! it b raining millions of peices of dog then...just need to do that to a cat to complete the ancient phrase... have u ever seen a monkey lookalike human b4?? they are quite hilarious u know...it's what Ed looks like,
"AY!"-Ed
shut it svine tail monkey...
"NO! U'RE A SWINE TAIL MONKEY!"-Ed
no but u look like one so therefore u would b one wouldnt u?
"...Oh ya...sorry bout that"-Ed
No problems horse f*kka!
"HEY!!!!! U R A HORSE F*KKA!!!"-Ed
no but u f*ck horses dont u? so therefore u're a horse f*kka
"...Oh ya...so i am"-Ed
see!
"So...as u m*lest pigs...would that make u a swine m*lester??"-Ed
Erm...no....somehow...
"But U R! and u always wear those pink socks that turn white when u return when u've been out f*cking the pigs!!!"-Ed
It's a figment of ur imagination...
"Nah it cant b..."-Ed
IT IS DAMMIT BOY!!!!!
"OK OK!!!! SORRY!!!"-Ed....
Good...ruining my 10th annerversary like that! WHO DO YOU THINK U R!? HUH!? HOW DARE YOU!!!!! PIG SH*T BOY!!!!
"OH! that means u like me then!.. :)"-Ed
ay..wha....th....F*CK OFF U HAIRY PENIS BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Readers I am sorry, this edition of OG has gone pearshaped cos of a certain individual...the next OG will be full of festive fun and goodness!!! and no Ed of course...
Ooga Booga 9 - More craziness from Luke and Edward, you may be offended
Ok, after my excellent comeback.... Who wants to suck my left t*sticle!? [no men need apply, and old hairy women either, oh and no monkeys, and dogs for that matter] Now you see i have been working very closely with the makers of Oogabooga Online, to produce this excellent game. We ended up animal testing a monkey, and a giraffe [non of which were effected in bad ways, but the monkey needs an eye transplant...glass eyes will be cool, and little gobstoppers are cool too...]. So all in all it failed cos they didnt do anything I asked for. No sharks with lasers, no naked women running round with green and yellow socks on, and no hero's called Luke!!!! I'm outraged!!!!
"Me too!" -Ed
Oh Edward...where did you come from??
"I was ejected out of the rhino's sweat pore...and don't call me Edward!" -EdWARD
"OI!!!!!!!" -Ed....WARD!!! HEHEHEEEEEEEE!!
"OI CHICKEN S*IT!!" -Sandy little butt-hole
You're just making it worse for urself...
"RARGH!!! YOU PIECE OF!!!!.....flower! ohh u smell nice!" -Ed
Suck my balls
"......."-Ed
I'm kidding Ed I ate a crooked butcher
"what's that then??"-Ed
A uphill gardener...
"which is....?"-Ed
A bumclutz
"erh...?"-Ed
Someone like you numbnutz
"OHHHHHHH A P*OF?...why didnt you just say so!?"-Ed
Cos it's funny taking the p*ss out of you...and making ur little head try to figure somethign out...
"Oh i gotcha..."-Ed
Good...
"I have a story from when i was straight..."-Ed
Erm....ok tell us...then we have to go
"YAY! OK!!!!"-Ed
Hurry!
"Ok Ok!!! Right... I got my bald man pierced..."-Ed
YOU PIERCED YOUR FATHER!? YOU SICK SWINE!
"NO!!! My one eyed snake!!!!"-Ed
YOU POKED UR PET SNAKE'S EYE OUT THEN PIERCED IT!?!?!?! RSPCA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! QUICK!!!!
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!...My genitals.."-Ed
Ahhhhh why didnt u just say so??
"It's fun taking the piss out of you..."-Ed
Huh? You porky sod stop it and get on with the story!!!!!
"OK OK!!! rite anyway...i got my d*ck pierced and had a ring put through it....and it made my Ex-Girlfriend go mad when i dropped my trousers!!!"-Ed
What it was her stud that u put there??
"NOOOOOO!!!! it turned her on!!!"-Ed
But arent you g*y?
"Yes! but NO! i mean....NOT AT THE TIME!!!"-Ed
Ok Ok so you are g*y...and at the time you wasnt....what's the purpose of this story???
"I dont know..."-Ed
Ed....
"Yes...?"-Ed
I learnt something today from your story...
"What's that??"-Ed
That you are a g*y po*f and I don't like you...and do you know what??
"What?"-Ed
You're a g*t and a distructive s*d now go away.... foolish boy
"Ok...."-Ed
Ooga Booga 8 - "Daddy, i just found out that Mummy's a b*tch!"
Anne robinson can kiss my a*se, the little bottom beating wh*re can suck my d*ck cos that little backfired monkey f*ck is too damn ugly and cocky to be in the same country wiv me, im gonna butcher the b*tch with a rusty spoon until she goes unconsious then im gonna make her into a mobile circumcised panda making facility, but not...if u get what i mean. then im gonna give her an elephant assed monkey mask to put on so she attracts at least some attention for being even remotely attractive. the cow b*tch aint gonna survive till next year if i got n e thing to do with it. i hadda enuff of her pointing her tramp like finger at people and pretending she owns the world. but she does own the world...the f*cking ugly b*tch world! she's a little snotty nosed swine who needs to sort her act out b4 she ends up looking worse than a hippos arse after brekfast, infact that's insulting hippos she's too ugly to even be judged.
that sleezy s*** bag is worse than a crooked homosexual...i mean GIVE US A BREAK B*TCH! i could go on all day b*tching at her, but all i want to say is SHE'S the weakest link, she's the weakest link in the fricken ugly chain! B*TCH! Now onto a more civilised side of things, she needs to realise that the world don't revolve round her fat pitted a*se, and that speaking to adults as if they are children warrents a fork in her ear canal. and as for her looks...i dont even wanna go there, i mean she probably smells bad aswell! [translated into chinese..."Stinky Poo"].
She seriously has an attitude problem, if i was on the weakest link and she sed "You are the weakest link, Goodbye" i'd stick a red hot poker up her and toast her over a fart fulled fire, cos the b*tch needs recycling! and the way she cuts people off during sentences!!! SHE THINKS SHE OWNS EVERYONE!! why can't she get it into her head that we are independant, and if she wants to own everyone then she can go run for president of russia or something, cos we aint gonna listen to her twisted use of english. and the only thing that i want to say to her face2face is "F*CK OFF!".
...or in the words of Yoda "mmmmmm U R B*TCH I SAY!!" and if that aint simple enuff for her IQ to manage in the words of a little kidde that is only 3 years old who i made up, but happens to b more clever than her "GOO GOO GAA GAA! U B*TCH!!! GIMME HEAD!!!" i mean if she hadda brain she'd b dangerous! Won't sumone plz quarrantine her from the rest of us!!! her attitude has set new heights...i just hadda brainwave...[that's sumthing that she cant have cos she aint even got pig sh*t inside her head] is she married?? what poor f*cka has married her!? i bet he tried to divorce her at the 1st chance he had but she hand cuffed him to the cooker and made him kiss her feet...the monster now could u imagine her coming out at birth!? if i was her parent watching her pop out i'd stab her with a blunt nurse till she stopped moaning or tie the ambilical cord round her neck and start tugging and blame it on the doctor.
she wouldn't live 5 seconds if i was her parent i'd shove her back in where she came from, she could stay in someone's stomach for all i care at least she isnt being unleashed to the world that way and the mother could agree with that as well i bet all the money in the world she'd get a hammer and beat her stomach if she new anne robinson was gonna happen. infact it looks like her mother was too late...
If anne robinson reads this, please dont take it personally, i mean it aint ur fault that ur a raving pig b*tching toad. i just really think u need to work on ur social skills cos even a monkey would beat ur ass with his banana if he heard u go on! NOW B*TCH OFF!!!!
n.b. This OG was written while Luke being in a bad mood and Mr Von Vonkahoff will recieve a free goodie bag for sticking a cocktail stick in anne robinsons forehead before the year 2002. Good Luck.
Ooga Booga 7 - Chris has a go at the art of Ooga Booga
OOGABOOGA! WOOHA!
Ok, this is my first og so please go light on me ok?
So, I originally planned to have special cooperative og with Luke today and talk about something we could laugh about, but he isnt available. So...
Ed - Who are you?!
I'm Chris
Ed - You don't do Og...GO AWAY
Well I am today, and what happened with you and the monkey raper anyway? I thought you became Brenda.
Ed - Shut it
Your a mouthy little swine arent you? It is all of those Hazelnut and slug poo pies isnt it?...And too much watching of QVC
Ed - I get some good deals; look at my handbag, did you see that programme about...
This is what happens if you watch too much daytime weekday TV. I mean, QVC? Shopping channel? WHEN I GO INTO A SHOP I DONT SPEND TWO HOURS LOOKING AT THE SAME FRIGGIN PRODUCT!!! HOW MUCH CAN YOU SAY ABOUT A RING?? "um...its round and um...its shiny....and um......look at the price! call this number now!"WHY NOT TALK ABOUT MORE THAN ONE PRODUCT? AND WHY DO I ONLY EVER SEE JEWELERY? WHY NO SPECIAL TOILET PAPER THAT DOUBLES AS FLY PAPER? WHY?!
Ed - Because its aimed at people like me, I don't use toilet paper....erm....oh dear
Busted. We're gonna have to take this one to Judge Judy
Till next time og meisters
Ooga Booga 6 - Who are you calling a cow b*tch?
I would firstly like to start by saying....TUNA FISH!!! and would secondly like to say....WHO'S YOUR DADDY!? and thirdly I would like to say...YO YO YOOOOOOOOO MY HOMME POSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Now I'm inna very good mood, because I have just discovered that I am a man!!!" -Ed.
Lovely, thankyou for sharing that Ed, now go play with the piggies like last time or I'll larrup you on your nut!
"You don't scare me you plop!"-Ed.
Plop!?
"Ermmm yea..." -Ed.
Ooooooooooooooooooookay!
"F*ck You Cow B*tch!!" -Ed
Look you disturbed little man, I have no time for your buggaring around and stupid little mincy boy boofaunt remarks
"AY!" -Ed
Ed...
"Yes!?"-Ed
B*GGAR OFF YOU STUPID SWINE LICKING PUSSY CAT!!!!!!!!!!
"Ok"-Ed
Now, sorry about that readers, Ed is being very defiant today. As he said, he recently found out that he was a man, and finally decided that it was time to stop being called Brenda and wearing dresses. "I still have some dresses..."-Ed. "BRENDA!!!!!"-Brenda. So it now looks like Ed "BRENDA!!!!!!!!" ok 'Brenda' is reverting back to his/her former slef....which is bad.....because the supply of pies is going to rapidly decrease now....not just any pies mind....HAZELNUT AND SLUG POO PIES!!! DISASTER!.....not.
Woe is me, I am rapidly running out of Hazelnut and Slug Poo pies, help, help, won't somebody please save me from this famine. I have to ask a question now....Ed....Ed. Erm ED!? oh yeah, sorry, Brenda....
"Yes dear?"-Brenda.
Oh for f*ck sake sort it you Ponce!
"I BEG YOUR PARSNIPS!?"-Brenda.
Ok, enough is enough. You have 10 seconds to revert back to Ed, or i'll draw dirty little pornography pictures all over your tupperware collection....and punish you like the stupid bender that you are!
"You wouldn't!?"-Brenda.
No, I wouldn't....but Murphy The Monkey Raper would.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEK! EEEEEEEEEEEEK!"-Brenda
You've pushed me too far...
"Please flower, I..."-Brenda
Too late....the monkey raper has arrived....
DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What kind of punishment will the monkey raper hold for Brenda!? Will Jordan -aka Katie Price- arrive at Luke's house on time!? Do turkeys and sheep where Nike trainers!? Why has OG diverted into sensless chaos!? AND WILL ANYONE FRICKEN WELL EMAIL ME WITH THEIR OPINIONS!?!?!?!?!? ;
The last five Ooga Booga's can be foundby clickinghere
The views expressed here in Oogabooga are not by any means to be taken seriously, it is all in the name of good / bad humour
Ooga Booga 5 - ZZZZzzzap
WOOOOOOO-FRICKEN-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! OOGAABOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
So....there was a game called OogaaBoogaa online....one that defied my power and copyright!!!!! I WAS MAD!!!!! SOOOOOO MADDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!! BUT! I have found out that there is to be and island in OogaaBoogaa Online....KOOL OR WOT!?!?!
I mean, it's obvious that they got their idea from me.....BUT I WANT ALL PROFITS!!! OR I WILL FART IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION!! AND IT WILL BE A STINKY SMELLY EGGY FART THAT I HAVE SPENT YEARS BREWING!!! AND IT WILL MAKE THEM REACH!!!!!! MOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
You see I went to the man who made OogaBoogaa online, and I said...."YOUR MOTHER IS A HAMSPTER!! AND YOUR FATHER SMELLS OF ELDERBERRIES!!! NOW GO AWAY!!! OR I WILL TAUNT YOU A SECOND TIME YOU FART FEATURED KERRRRRRRRRRRRRRNIGIT!" and he slapped me round the face......... so I locked him in a room filled with evil mutated and derranged turkeys....that seemed to make chickens go on rampages.... Ed would like to make a contribution..."COW B*TCHES!!!!!" -Ed, Thank you Ed....now go play with the nice little piggies.
You know, I haven't had anything decent to rant on about and make fun of recently...I mean, now that OogaBoogaa online will feature and island [hopefully called OogaBoogaa island]...what can i take the piss out of!?!? PEOPLE! WE NEED YOU!!! please!! I'm begging you give me your name and some information about yourself, then I can take the p*ss out of you, and we'll all live happily ever after! see? makes sense doesn't it!
I thought about something that we could all laugh at though...put this address into you address bar in you internet browser...and laugh your head off, it put me in stitches.... http://profiles.yahoo.com/al_g23 and if you don't laugh, then report to me, and i'll personally remove you're testicles for research purposes!
You know, it's always fascinated me....how our kind of..."different" and "taking the p*ss out off" people actually choose to give up women, yes I am talking about poofs, or the polite way to put it....is arse ticklers, I mean I have nothing against these people...well...ok that's a lie! I kinda freaked out by them!! I mean, who wants to give up women!? they are sooooo gorgeous! well...some.... I mean I wouldn't exactly want to come home and find Margaret Thatcher naked on my bed doing a strip dance!! I'd have to beat her up, I mean...she's seriously been attacked with an ugly stick...infact she's as good as male in my view!! but I mean...think of all the sexy and attractive women!! Kelly Brook...Jordan...Pamela Anderson...the list goes on! HOW COULD PEOPLE NOT LIKE THEM!?!?!?!? and chose to like the same sex.....freaky....but true, and there isn't anything to be ashamed of my erm...derranged [!?] friends.....JUST PLEASE DON'T COME ANYWHERE NEAR ME! EVER!! "When I grow up I want to be a bender" -Ed, erm i didn't know Ed was gay....im sorry, im going to have to stab his face and kill him now...."I was taking the piss you cow bitch" -Ed, OHHHHHHHHHHHH I SEE!!!! TRYING TO COVER YOUR TRACKS NOW ARE WE!? "Yes..."-Ed, oh ok then....till next OG Meisters.....
P.S. Don't be suprised if Ed mysteriously goes missing...I mean it's his own fault really...
Ooga Booga 4 - Call my lawyer
COW BITCHES!!! I ASKED FOR AN ISLAND!!!! NOT AN ONLINE!!!! YOU STUPID MINCY BOYS!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!!!!!!!! SVINES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ASKED FOR OOGAABOOGAA ISLAND!!!! AND ALL YOU CAN OFFER IS OOGAABOOGAA ONLINE!? YOU DIDNT EVEN ASK FOR MY PERMISSION!!!!! COW BITCHES!!! THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!
OGMEISTERS!!!! THERE IS A PLOT AFOOT!!! A PLOT....TO RID YOU OF OOGAABOOGAA....WITH SOME SH*TE CALLED OOGAABOOGAA ONLINE!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
We will battle them on the beaches....we will battle them on toilets....in our corner shops!!! BUT WE WILL NEVER GIVE UP!! THEY WILL PAY FOR THIER FAULTS.......they just messed with the wrong man.....
One thing that the whole world has to know.....is that I and I alone control the OogaaBoogaa world....and I have been undermined....well......their punishment will arise....not now....not tomorrow....but on Saturday!! [when I've finished my tea!] and to the person who thought that this was a good idea....YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE JUST GOT YOUSELF INTO. I can asure you, that if we ever cross paths....I will not hesitate to stick a red hot poker up your shabby smelly pitted A*SE!!!!
WE MUST STOP THE MADNESS!!! BEFORE THE WORLD CRUMBLES TO IT'S KNEES!!! Men.....Women...Countrymen....we have work to do.......
Ooga Booga 3- Final answer?
Right.... Who wants to be a millionaire....? what kind of a stupid cow b*tch question is that!?
DUUUHHHHHH NO! I DUNNO WANNA BE A MILLIONAIRE!!!! DUHHHHHH I WANNA BE A STINKY, SMELLY, DIRTY TRAMP! WHO LIVES INNA BOX THAT USED TO HOUSE SPAM! ARGH!!! OF COURSE WE WANNA BE MILLIONAIRES!
I mean, when im sitting there at work, serving customers, 25% of sales are "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" WHO-FRICKEN-WANTS TO BE A-BLOODY-MILLIONAIRE!!!! SMELLY MOTHERS OF ALL THINGS SACRED!!!
How does I game like that become so popular!? HOW!?!?!?!?!? As people walk past me holding that game, no, endurance test in their hands, not knowing what pure evil lays beneath!!! I think "Poor cow b*tches...THEY'VE BEEN BRAIN WASHED!!!" NOOOOOOO EVIL MR TARRENT HAS HYPNOTISED THEM!! WE'RE DOOMED!!! A TACKY COMEDIAN HAS TAKEN OVER THE WORLD!!
Right, and today [º0º I wuz on me till, and yet more people were buying that damned game! =(. It's cursed I can tell!!!!! That wierd evil pattern on the front isnt actually just ANY pattern! OHHH NO! IT'S A SPECIAL HYPNOTIC PATTERN!!!!! YES MY LITTLE OGMEISTERS!!!!! CONSPIRACY!
WE HAVE TO STOP THIS!!!! PLEASE BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!! I HAVA DREAM!!! A DREAM THAT ALLLLLL WILL LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY.....WITHOUT F*CKING WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been shouting loads in this section of OogaaBoogaa, but that's because I've been annoyed! ANNOYED! rargh!
AND! something else that has annoyed me!.....that game.....EVEN worse than, than, than....DARE I SAY IT!? JIMMY WHITE'S 2 CUEBALL!!! NOOOOOOOO! A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!!!
And another thing SILVER!!!!!!
Firsty....how could someone that is called "David" save the world!? I'm sorry but u don't a person who saves the world David! sorry, if there are any David's reading this, I hold nothing against your name, it's just, well you have to admit....David!? ah well, anyway moving on.....
The scenery is very good actually in this game....and it contains one of my favorite characters of all time...Grandad!! YEA! GRANDAD! He is sooooooooooo kool!!! I mean...Eminem you got competition! Grandad just kicks ass! and just as Grandad begins to do his role and save the world....HE GETS KILLED!!!! HOW COULD SOMEONE CALLED GRANDAD DIE!? They killed the game off in it's first stages!!! The game just goes downhill from there on, as you are stuck being David...who sounds like he just had sex with a Yak º1º. I MEAN FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! INFROGRAMS! BRING BACK GRANDAD!!!!!!!
RARGH! Just as the game begins to get, a tad bit more interesting....IT GOES DOWNHILL YET AGAIN!!!!
There's this part where you have to ring the bell three times, and you ring it once, and David supposedly nods once, then you ring it twice, and he SUPPOSEDLY nods twice etc...and you do that till the gates open....but, oh I can't be arsed to explain, im too tired, see ya next time OGmeisters, and please write to me or chris about OG okay!? good, this is OG signing off....
Ooga Booga 2- Ed makes a debut
YO YO YO MY HOMEE POSSE!!!!
WAZZZZZZZZZZZUP!?
look who's back :)
no one told me to go, so here i am...but then again, no one told me to stay :( well expect that response that chris got sent, but that was from me, erh uhh i mean he was very kind Mr Von Vonkahoff. Thank you! You are a credit to the human race!!! "sent him a goody bag "-Ed.
Now, what's for this week?? hmmmmmmmm uhhh well after much thought and effort, i have decided to put together a collection of ways to mistreat CD's, but not in too much graphical detail, because i dont want the CD population to get worried that we will hurt them in bad ways now do i?? :) º2º
Now, what i'll do is show u the ways i have thought of, now remember i didnt go TOO far, bacause it might make people feel ill about the ways in which CD's can be tortured. So just rememeber, if u think that these seem a bit.....wimpish..them give me ur email address, and u cow b*tches will know what torture is!!!!! RARGH!!
Now vote for the one u think is the best and next week, i'll show the results:
º3º = Ed, Ed is the imaginary person who will pop up a lot in og, he responds to this that i say, and has his own views and ideas at times....pretty scarey....
1] Snap in half [boring]
2] Get very sharp and rusty knife to cut the cd to pieces [little bit better]
3] Eat it [note can be dangerous if swolled with any spam]
4] Drill holes through it and listen to it scream [ohhh that's getting better]
5] Use a razor to shave it into little teeny weeny bits, but do it very slowly [hmmmm yea that's ok i suppose]
6] Put it in the oven, and watch it melt [huh, u call urself evil?]
7] Bury it alive [it dont breath u stupid muppet!!!]
8] Smother it in oil and cat poo, and put a match to it [ur learning kid]
9] Nail it to the wall and then use it as a dart bored [i never thought of that...GIT!]
10] Gerot it [Chainsaw anyone??]
11] Stick it between a fatman's bumcheeks for a week [Now that's going too far]
12] Stick it between a thin man's bumcheeks for a week? [Would it fit!?]
13] Stick it between an elephant's bumcheeks for a week? [ENOUGH!!]
14] Subject it to the Spice Girls new single [NO! PURE EVIL!! U SAID THAT THESE WERENT GOING TO BE GRAPHIC!!]
15] Play it on a dual speed CD:ROM ["It's Good" - Graham]
16] Give it to Saddam Hussain [HAHAHA! I'd like to see what he does with that!!]
17] Drop and Atom Bomb on it [U only need to kill one!]
18] Sing nursery rhymes to it [U'RE PATHETIC!!!!]
19] Sell it to cash converters [HAHA! good one!]
20] Use a flamethrower [y didnt u say that earlier!?]
There we go, 20 ways to mistreat a CD, now if anyone asks me if i stick CD's up people's arses, well....I DO!!!! goto problem with that!? Nah i dont really...well, only on a Tuesday.
Now, I have my favorite 3, if u pick ur favorite 3 [as well as voting for ur favorite [im i making sense here??]], and they match mine, u get to feature on the oogaaboogaa section and contribute to it, privalige eh? and u will be crowned the OGMASTER until the next opportunity to replace u occurs [trust me it's worth being the OGMASTER, of course im the OGLORD, so don't think u'll have higher authority over me!].
Well my little OGmeisters, i have to go and execute some CD's with my miniture [is that how u spell it??] CD Guilotine [im crap at spelling]. Now, rememebr this is the People's Section, so we need ur input!!! and requests! so email me or chris!!!!!! NOW! B4 IT'S TOO LATE!! till next time, this is the OG Section signing off....
Ooga Booga 1- Top Jimmy
During the oogaaboogaa section, i will review games of my choosing, dish out an oogaaboogaa review of the week/month depending on how often it gets updated, i'll speak about stuff that i find interesting and stuff that's going on around this lovely roundy shaped world of ours, i'll probably do sumthing that chris wants me to do, and! i will b reviewing music programs, and their capabilties, -which i can see a lack of here at shining!- also any requests that u might have for me, by the way, "get rid of oogaaboogaa" request will b deleted as applicable.[p.s. i might put in, ways of mistreating ur unwanted CD's! good eh?] now want something to warm ur tast buds for the next update of oogaaboogaa? well cow b******, hold on to ur stinky knickers, strap in tight, dont speak to any strangers and dont crouch while wearing spurs! This is gonna warm u tast buds my OGmeisters!!!!!
It was a dark and stormy night... and then... a game... so evil... so devious... so blatently cheeky! so, so, so, soooooooooooo frightening appeared out of the darkness... JIMMY WHITE'S 2 CUEBALL!!! YO YO YO!
I must admit....i was some what put off by the front cover of this box game for the pc, i mean that man on the front looks so devious, and his eyes!!! his eyes!!! they dont ever look away from u, it scared me into insomnia!! HIS EYES!!!! now after being scared s***less by jimmy white -the evil dictator- u may actually decide to delve into the box and take out the cd....luckily without jimmy's face on it.
After installing it and first beginning the game, a house appears...and u begin to get scared...as visions of resident evil come back to haunt u, and if u havent seen resident evil, then u just think..."christ wotta shabby looking mansion!" after entering....there is the high scores wall, and there r two doors!!! but u have to find the key!!! ....oh wait that's resident evil isnt it... the left door takes u to a funky american style room [fricken groovy!!], with a pool table, fruit machine, a jukebox that plays the blues brothers :) and some wierd old game that old people like...b + b included. i have to admit, the set out is very satisfactory and self explanitory, without over doing the explanations, so it doesnt turn into a kids program. wanna play some pool?? sure thing, click on the table, it does a nice little animation, put ur details in, choose ur oppenent, and away u go. Oh, and by the way, it's best to start with the easiest computer player first...unless u seriously wanna get an arse wipping by the pc. there are many controls, and handy little things to use, like camera change etc...and it really makes the game interesting, i only got bored after 5 mins!!! A RECORD!!
Wanna play some snooker now? well, only if u ask nicely :), go into the other door where the high scores wall was -WATCH OUT A ZOMBIE!! oh that's resident evil again...- and u enter a very 'exquisite' room, bit like a 1920's bar or something, and they have darts in here!!! DARTS!!! good eh? the darts r actaully very impressive, u use ur mouse like u would a hand, and then watch the darts fly....fly....fly...and drop straight down infront of u without hitting the board :(. But if u play it right....u can actually hava lot of fun play this. the only thing, or improvement i would like to make, is that u should b able to twist around, far enough so that u can face the old radio and larrup it with the darts to cack the thing up...it seriously does me 'ead in!!
well, this was just a quick thing i put in, jut to get us started, oogaaboogaa will improve, but i would like request from people as well as to what to put in, i suppose u could call my section...the People's Section :) [sorry i watched wwf the other day] u tell me what to put in...i'll put it in!! and, if the big giant head [chris] lets me, i can hold the question and answer in here as well...like i said The People's Section ;) but oogaaboogaa is a betta name, and more original, so i'll use that.
OI OI SAVELOY!! it's time for me to leave, till next time OGmeisters! will, and give me requests!! or i'll cry!!!! :( AND WILL SOMEON PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZZZZZZZZ! MAKE A GAME CALLED OOGAABOOGAA ISLAND!? this is the OG section, signing off!
p.s. for all u 'simple' people out there, OG = oogaaboogg okay!? good, laterz!
